Refuse to Be Average

I have been absolutely drowning in emails from fans of conquestmindset.ca asking why there wasn't a blog article last week. OK, admittedly, that's an exaggeration. That didn't really happen. In fact, not a single person asked. That's alright, though. I imagine everybody was silently dealing with that painful emptiness in their own personal way.

One might be led to believe I simply ran out of topics. Trust me, that's not the case. I could find something to write about every week without difficulty. The real reason is that my plan was to publish a weekly article, but the more I thought about it, the more it felt like a drawback. True, Google loves consistent content to help determine website rankings, but I didn't want the blog to become an obligation. I don't want people scrolling on their phones and thinking, "Oh look, it's the weekly Conquest blog."

I would much rather write when I have a particularly interesting thing to say that I want to share with my readers (all 0-3 of you). I want you to see that there’s a new blog and say, “Oh wow! Kevin has a new article. I bet this is going to be interesting.” This will likely prompt people nearby to ask, “Who’s this Kevin guy you’re shouting about?” To which you can reply, “Just some guy on the internet. Mind your own business.” (Although, if you want to tell them about the website, I wouldn’t exactly be upset.)

So, do I have something super interesting to share with you?

No, not really.

(Just kidding. Although maybe you'll get to the end and think, "Geez, that was a major letdown." I hope that's not the case.)

The Phrase We Don't Use Enough

One of my ongoing challenges with the site and our social media is balance. We stand for things like drive, courage, patience, determination, and gratitude, but I don't want those to overshadow rest, healing, and mental health. (I'm working on a future article to articulate what we stand for more clearly.) And in case you hadn't noticed, we use "Mind Over Limits" a lot, as a reminder not to let preconceived notions hold us back from our potential.

But we have another phrase that doesn't get nearly as much airtime: For those who refuse to be average.

It doesn't matter much what you apply it to. Whatever you're interested in, refuse to be average at it. If you want to play guitar, be consistent about learning. You're not a failure if you never become the next Jimi Hendrix, but don't settle for being an average guitar player. If you want to teach, go out of your way to become the best teacher you can be. Pursuing a career in finance? Acquire the skills that make you stand out. Maybe you'll never be the biggest or leanest guy at the gym, but that doesn't mean you can't be an inspiration to the people who see you. Want to be an entrepreneur? Refuse to be average at that, too.

"What is the point of being on this Earth if you are going to be like everyone else?"
— Arnold Schwarzenegger

(I bet when you saw who said that, you read it in your head in his voice.)

Which brings me to the story and inspiration behind this article.

The Skinny Kid and the Doctor

Growing up, I was always the skinny kid. I didn't know much about nutrition, and most of what I thought I knew was wrong. It wasn't until my early-to-mid twenties that I started figuring things out. Until then, I assumed I was simply a skinny kid who could eat whatever he wanted and would never put on weight or muscle. (By the way, if you're reading this and you're that same skinny kid, like the ones I encountered at least weekly when I had my nutrition store, you're not getting enough calories consistently. Trust me.)

With that belief firmly in place, I went to see my family doctor. I don't typically go to the doctor unless at least three things are wrong with me (a personal trait I still have to this day, which my wife absolutely hates), but this time I asked him whether there was something I could do to put on muscle, because years of effort had produced exactly zero results.

I will never forget his reply: "What would you want to do that for?"

I don't remember exactly what happened next. I don't think I fainted or anything dramatic, but I was definitely taken aback. I probably stared at him in stunned silence, because he kept going. "Look at you. You're not overweight, you're very healthy. Why would you want to do something that might risk that?"

(For the record, in my experience, your doctor is probably the worst place to go for nutritional advice. I'm not saying all doctors, but I've had doctors tell me the exact same thing. And keep in mind, this was pre-internet.)

I understood why he asked. It simply didn't make sense to him. For me, though, this was about refusing to be average. I tried to explain, but as good a doctor as he was, I don't think I got it across. Maybe if I'd told him that my desire to turn heads at the gym or the beach was the same as his desire to be an above-average doctor, he'd have understood.

And maybe that's the point.

Nothing Was Broken

There was nothing wrong with being skinny. I was healthy, and I wasn't trying to fix something that was broken. I just wanted to see what I was capable of, and that meant refusing to be average.

Most people never stop to ask what “average” actually looks like. They just know they don't want to be below it.

That's a pretty low bar.

If your goal is simply to avoid being bad at something, congratulations — you've already set your sights remarkably low.

Once you know where the baseline sits, you know exactly what it takes to rise above it. If you've never checked, you're not refusing average, you're just hoping to land above it. For me, average was a guy who looked the way I did and got told by his doctor to leave well enough alone. I knew what that looked like, and I wasn't willing to settle for it.

None of this means having to become the biggest, richest, strongest, or smartest person in the room, or measuring your personal worth against everyone around you. Average is a reference point, not a verdict. You're trying to make sure the "good enough" you might settle for is one you chose, not one you drifted into because it was the default and nobody pushed back. Most people never question it. That's what keeps them average.

Maybe that's learning guitar or building a business. Maybe it's becoming a better parent, spouse, employee, or friend, or getting stronger, healthier, or more confident, or finally writing that book. Maybe it's just getting a noticably better at something you enjoy. Whatever it is, find out what typical looks like, then decide whether typical is enough for you.

Who Decides What You're Capable Of?

I did eventually figure out how to put on muscle. It took a long time, sifting through a lot of bad information, and a lot of serious eating. (Quick side story: the summer I learned this lesson, I happened to be working at a mining camp where accommodations and food were included, thankfully. About five years later, I applied for a full-time warehouse position that opened up at that camp, and I was remembered not by my name, but as "the kid who ate all the food." I'd say I was officially above average in that department.)

But the muscle itself wasn't really the point. The point was discovering that the person who tells you what you're capable of doesn't have to be the person sitting across from you. My doctor wasn't wrong about what was normal. He was just describing average, and average only becomes your limit if you're willing to treat it as one. Circumstances and other people's expectations can set the starting line, but you don't have to accept what they set as the ceiling. Sometimes, the only person standing in the way is the one looking back at you in the mirror.

So don't worry about being better than everyone else. But do look honestly at what's typical, and don't be so quick to accept that typical is acceptable to you. Find something that matters to you. Get curious about it, work at it, fail at it, learn from it, and get a little better. Progress matters more than perfection, and some days the right move is to rest, ask for help, or regroup, then come back to it. Then do it again.

The real meaning behind “refuse to be average” is knowing exactly what average looks like — and deciding you want more. If you're passionate about something, why settle for ordinary? Why aim for the middle of the pack when you have the opportunity to become exceptional at something that matters to you?

Stand out.

Nobody is coming to give you permission. Nobody is going to show up one day and tell you that you've reached your potential. That decision is yours. And if chasing that potential makes you extraordinary, then be extraordinary.

Refuse to be average!